An anthology of thoughts, stories & love by a Fort Collins photographer

Archive for the ‘Emma’ Category

Rays of Sunshine :: A Tribute to Our Emma Bug

January 23, 2011 · Announcements, Emma, Rays of Sunshine

When Claire and Emma were in the NICU, I remember a family telling us that in their culture the child’s first birthday is usually bigger than a wedding. They felt it was immensely important to celebrate that child’s life and I couldn’t agree more. Yet, I find myself terribly conflicted – In less than 2 weeks will be the first anniversary of my giving birth to two of the most beautiful girls: Claire and Emma. Most of you know that we lost Emma 13 weeks later due to a congenital heart defect made even more complicated by Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS).  However, I do not want to mourn the loss of Emma on their birthday – I want to celebrate that she was here with us. That she was a little feisty baby who loved to be cuddled but not bathed. Celebrate all the things that she has given me.

So in honor and memory of Emma, I have started “Rays of Sunshine”: A day to appreciate the people that make our days brighter, to cherish the moments that glow in our hearts. A day to love. To laugh. To remember a princess loved forever.

Our heart’s deepest wish is to inspire a simple and memorable time with those you love. To take the time. To make the time to enjoy, adore and relish those who fill our hearts with light, laughter and love and give us a warm fuzzy feeling inside.

We will be having our Ray of Sunshine celebration on February 2nd, by releasing pink balloons and other special moments. Please join us as your “Rays of Sunshine” will give us a peek at what could have been and cherish what is. Where ever your sun is shining with whomever your heart loves, please join us. For you, for them and for Emma.

You don’t have to do anything fancy, a longer and tighter hug will do. Have a garden tea party, bake something sweet, sing at the top of your lungs and do a silly dance, pick fresh flowers and catch slimy frogs, indulge in something pretty, toast with a glass of bubbly. Above all be glad, thankful and cherish the moments that warm your heart.

You can post your photos, comments and thoughts on the Rays of Sunshine Facebook page. We will post our special moments filled with sunshine as well. Many thanks and much love to those who join us. Please feel free to share with others.

Emma, you are my sunshine.

Come and Go. Come and Stay.

September 27, 2010 · Emma, Personal

It is nearing 5 months since she has been gone. My mind sometimes thinks that she is still at the hospital and that she will be home soon enough. And I have to remind myself that it’s simply not true. A brutal slap in the face.

For 5 months the world has been completely different. It is emptier, a little less hectic and less magical. The old world and all of its illusions are irrecoverable.

Already 5 months and I miss you no less. I probably miss you more, and I didn’t even think that would be possible. I still cry an average of 3 times a day. I have moments of calm and peace. These waves come and go, sometimes drowning me in complete darkness. An abyss of “What If’s” and far too few memories made together. It is hard to come back up for air as I need you to breathe.

Not a day goes by that I don’t think “What if Emma was here, how would we do this different?” I would be happier. I know that would be different. I wonder what you would look like now – how much bigger you’d be than your sister. Would you love sweet potatoes and pears too? Would you still not enjoy your bath time? Would you and Claire hold hands?

Although I know she is in a better place – a place where she can be – the thought that she couldn’t be with me is still to hard too grasp.

Missing you always my sunshine. Loving you forever.

To everyone that has given me and my family unbelievable amount of love, support and prayers…thank you. You are the fireflies in my black sky. I love and appreciate every one of you. xx